A tale in 500 words - Motivation

Edit: 2019-07-17
Trigger Warnings and a short introduction: Someone with more time than me would find a way of hiding the below post behind an affirmative consent box - but I have neither the time nor the audience to really justify that. This short story contains themes of depression and self harm. It is not autobiographical but it does draw inspiration from my own experiences of poor mental health, and those of people with whom I have crossed paths.

Original Post: 2017-01-16
Today I fancied writing a story, and as Mr. Evans is once again launching his 500 Words story writing competition (for children), I thought I might give it a go. Here it is.

Outside it was raining, from time to time the sun would make a hopeful bid to break through the clouds, only to be stifled by a weightier darkness. If she were to look through her bedroom window, and were a poetic type, she might have felt the weather was some sort of reflection of her inner self. But she doesn’t look up, and she isn’t a poetic type, and it wasn’t pathetic fallacy - it was Leeds.

Beneath the duvet the last heat of the 3am hot water bottle seeped away. It hadn’t worked. Nothing worked. Last night, like the night before, and so many nights before that, she hadn’t slept. She kicked the hot water bottle out and rolled over. Today would be another day like the day before and the days before that. Minutes, hours, and seconds passed as one. She reached out her arm to pick at the seam of the wallpaper beside her bed, the cold air brushing against her exposed wrist. Cold air meant the heating had been off for at least two hours, she hadn’t heard the post come so it was probably about eleven. She pushed her foot out from under the covers, then withdrew it again. The kitchen was too far away.

She teased the paper away from the wall, then pushed it back and, with an almost inaudible sigh, rolled over. The little sunlight that had made it through the clouds and the closed curtains reflected dimly off any surfaces it could find. The lens of the dead alarm clock, yesterday’s mug of cold tea, the blade off a pencil sharpener. The crumbs from last week’s toast irritated her leg. Her foot emerged from under the covers again, followed by the other, and with herculean strength she threw off the duvet and sat up. The face she’d drawn on the back of the mirror grinned aimlessly across the room at her. She hopped lightly through the detritus of her existence and pulled open the door before walking heavily to the bathroom.

The cold toilet seat tempered the relief of emptying her bladder and she caught the eye of the reflection in the mirror, the scars on her arm were temporarily visible as it shot up to kill the light. She contemplated a shower as she washed her hands, then splashed some water over her face and walked back into the hallway then down the stairs to the kitchen. The cold tiles on her bare feet sent a shiver up her legs as she filled the kettle. From the back of her mind a feeling was growing, swelling. Tea in hand she returned to her bedroom, the light glistening off the surface of her fresh tea, the old tea, and the blade from the pencil sharpener. Days, months, weeks ago she might have fought it. She sipped her tea staring the blade - her feelings down. The scars on her arm were temporarily visible as it shot up to kill the pain.

It's been too long

So, weekly blogs stopped for a while, more on that story later! I'll be honest, they're not going to start up again, although I will eventually get round to writing up that piece for TSR (you should go there now, my good friend Sep is now Editor in Chief and he wants you to write for him).

This however shall remain mostly a food blog, there might be some sidelines here and there, but hopefully this will mostly be food and eating. So, after over a year can I get a drum roll? No! A swiss roll? No! Am I going to make a pun involving the word roll? No!

So here it is, it's:

3 minute microwave edible chocolate brownie disks which are best served with cream!

So I found this idea on the internet. I don't know where I found it, I think I googled mug brownies. Anyway this is my own take on a fairly popular concept.

Equipment
- Mug
- Measuring thing (desert spoon or larger will do, you're over thinking this if you're using scales or a measuring jug)
- Microwave

Ingrediants
- Flour - 3 measured units
- Castor sugar - 3 measured units
- Cocoa powder - 1.5 (or 2) measured units
- Hot chocolate mix (perhaps) - 0.5 (or 0) measured units
- Tasteless oil (such as sunflower) - 1.5 units
- Water - ~2 units

Methud

Take your dry ingredients (only the ones listed above mind, not all the dry ingredients you have) and mix them in a bowl.
Realise that making this in a bowl is difficult and transfer the half mixed mixture to a mug
Continue mixing, once suitably uniform make a little dimple in the middle of the powder and pour in oil and water.
Mix until there are no lumps, it should come together in a lump that holds its shape without leaving dry residue on the mug.
Transfer to a bowl (optional)
Put it in the microwave and heat it for about a minute. Our microwave is crap so it takes more like 1m40s but the least I've done it in is a minute. You'll learn what's best by experimenting.
Serve with double cream and a spoon



Next time I'll explain how to make honeycomb using mostly sugar and a pan!

Until then, keep dancing enjoying food!

"Student Digs" Pie

This is my variation on the traditional "cottage pie". As I don't live in a cottage I have renamed it. I have also got a strong dislike of carrots, so I've left them out. You can add them if you want, you will need two, add them where I've added the peppers (spoilers!). This is a really good way of getting rid of those interesting vegetables you bought a while ago, forgot about and now think you should probably use them. The lentils are entirely optional, you can also add any other beans or pulses, the recipe I based this on (Delia's Special Cottage Pie) doesn't have any but I don't think there's enough base if you don't eek it out.

Equipment
Large saucepan and casserole dish
OR
Flame-proof casserole dish
Lucky implement (if you don't have a lucky implement, use a normal one)
Spoon with holes in
Spoon without holes in
Maracas (optional)

Ingredients
450g Minced Beef (1lb)
2 Medium Onions
2 Peppers
Any quantity of "interesting veg" as mentioned in the preamble (add where the peppers are) I'd chop these fairly small, especially if you're not sure what it is anymore.
1/2tsp Mixed herbs
1tsp Sweet paprika
1tbs Tomato purée
275ml Hot stock (1/2pint)
Cooking oil (if you are a bit careless and go for a wee whilst you're doing the beef so the fat burns off a bit)

for the topping
900g potatoes (about 4 average ones)
1-2 leeks (1 large, 2 medium, small ones can gratuitous swearing removed off, or you could use 3)

Method
Whack the beef in the pan then hob that on high.
Panic a bit whilst you realise you don't have the right veg, then remember you do, it's in the bottom of the fridge.
Chop your onions whilst the beef merrily browns, keep an eye on the beef and stir it fairly regularly, certainly don't go for a wee or the fat (which you will cook the onion in) will fry off.
Stick the kettle on for the stock.
Next remove the beef from the pan leaving as much juice as you can, add the onions and stir in about half a teaspoon of Paprika (experimental cooking tip, I generally add some herbs/spices when I fry onions, they absorb the taste really well at this point, however mixed herbs tend to burn so don't add them).
Chop your peppers and optional other veg, add these before the onion has burnt to the bottom of the pan.
Put the beef back in. Stick the rest of your seasoning in now.
Mix the tomato purée with the hot stock and add to the meaty mix.
Slam in your chosen beans/pulses (actually, I guess if you wanted to you could add more beef, but do this at the beginning)
Simmer on a low heat for about 10 minutes.
If you are doing this in a sauce pan put the mix into your casserole dish.
Congratulations. All your base are complete.
Preheat oven to 200°C (10π/9radC)
Prepare mash (potato)
Fry leeks in butter
Add leeks to mash
Add mash/leek to base
Add dish to oven
Cook for about half an hour.
OPTIONAL BIT
Grate cheese over the top and whack it under the grill until it starts to brown.

Enjoy!

Next week I haven't got a clue what I'll do, but I'll try and do something veggie. There will be a midweek special on TSR this week, I'll put a link up here when the balloon goes up.

Greetings and 2 simple pasta sauces

Hello!

Firstly, welcome to my new food blog, as it says in the description I'm not a master chef, but you don't have to be to create passable food. When I came away to uni I had a repertoire of about three dishes, two of which were pudding. Ok, that was a lie, but I didn't have much in the way of cooking experience. It turns out it doesn't really matter, provided you leave yourself enough time and stay calm very little can go wrong.

I shall start with a few ground rules
1) Hot is your friend, when in doubt whack the heat on
2) Keep stuff moving, especially if you have employed rule 1, otherwise stuff sticks to your pans
3) Missed a step? Don't panic! Use your noggin. There's no undo button but most things can be added later.
4) Give yourself time to enjoy both cooking and eating. It's good for the soul.

The Basic Larder
It is a good idea to keep a stock of basics.
-Onions - taste and texture, these wee beasties are a good building block for loads of things, I get through about 5 or 6 a week on my own.
-Garlic - easy peasy flavour.
-Mushrooms - good for bulking out stuff. I get through about a pack and a half a week, I personally prefer chestnut mushrooms as they have a nice, slightly nutty taste
-Peppers - Pick a colour, any colour! Last for a fair while these and go well with anything Italian tasting, or on there own to keep the scurvy at bay.
-Herbs and Spices, I keep a stock of; paprika (hot and sweet), chilli powder, cumin, coriander, mixed herbs, salt and pepper.
-Chopped Tomatoes - Boxes or tins of these, I buy them in bulk, an absolute God send. No need to buy fancy ones, supermarket basics are just the same.
-Tomato purée - trust me.
-Crème fraiche - Good for thickening sauces, gives a good creamy texture.
-Flour - For emergency sauce thickening and more!

Now, on to the recipes. The first is the first thing I learn to do, a really basic tomato sauce, super flexible and really easy to do. This particular version is really good with pasta or potato, I'm not too keen on rice but I dare say if you are this would probably go with it too. If you are a real fuss arse and don't like any of the optional extras it's still perfectly edible without, it just won't stretch as far. If you don't add the beans it'll probably only be good for 2.

Serves 2-3 (or you 2-3 times!)
Ingredients
400g chopped tomatoes (one box)
1 1/2 to 2 medium onions
1 clove garlic - crushed
1 pepper (optional)
4-6 mushrooms (optional)
1 tin kidney or borlotti beans
1/2 tsp mixed herbs
1 tsp coriander
1/2 tsp hot paprika or chilli powder(optional)
1-2 tbs crème fraiche
Oil for frying

Chop the onions, pepper and mushrooms. Heat the oil in a largish saucepan and add the onions. Once these begin to brown add the pepper, mushrooms, garlic, coriander and paprika. Keep the heat on and the stuff moving around (you don't need to stay with it all the time, a couple of pokes a minute's fine). Once the mushroom has softened (probably after about 3 minutes) add the drain off the beans and add to the mix. After about 2 minutes add the mixed herbs and tomatoes. Put the lid on (if you have one) and turn down the heat. Simmer for about 10 minutes (just enough time to do the pasta)
Finally stir in the crème fraiche and serve.


Sauce 2 is even simpler but sorry my vegetarian friends, its main ingredient is BACON!!!

Serves 2
Ingredients
4 rashers of bacon
100g Mushrooms
1/2 to 1 onion (optional)
OR 1 leek (optional)
1tsp sweet paprika
1tsp coriander
3-4 tbs crème fraiche
Oil for frying

Chop your bacon into strips no larger than about 1/4" by 1" (basically go wild with bacon and scissors) and fry in a saucepan. Chop the mushrooms, onion/leek and add to the pot with the coriander and paprika. Keeping the heat on high until the mushrooms have softened. Add the crème fraiche. Serve.

Until next time. Thanks for reading and good luck. May the forks be with you.